The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

Dad recently got a new toy, about which he is super stoked.  He calls it a portrait lens.  I call it a waste of plastic.  That same plastic could have been spent on a perfectly good toy for stealing from the brown dog.  Said toy could have amounted to hours of taunting and manipulating for me; but noooooooooo, Dad had to go and get a new camera lens.

So, I told him that if he had to take photos of things, he might as well document my newest invention.  I call it: THE SLEEP OLYMPICS!The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

I’m the obvious front-runner in this year’s games.  I’ve been practicing basically non-stop, developing stamina and working on my technique.

So, like I said, I asked Dad to document it.  But you know what he did?!  He just kept taking pictures of random stuff!  

Table leg, Dad?

The mixer?

Vegetables?!

Dad, this is getting ridiculous!
The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

So, obviously, I went to tell Mom about yet another injustice tarnishing what would otherwise be a perfect life.  But of course, Mom wasn’t home.  Figures.  She probably doesn’t even remember that she has dogs- well, a dog and an AWESOME dog.The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

Wait, maybe that’s her.The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

It is! Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.  Plllllllleeeeeeaaaaase tell Dad to stop being so obtuse.  I made my expectations very clear. The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

Thanks Mom.  Now back to the Olympics:  I call this position the Blockade Runner, because nobody else can use the chair. Pretty good form, huh?The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

I call this one The Inverse Blockade Runner.  It is like the other one, but flipped.  So, naturally it is way more complicated. I’m thinking this one will really impress the international judging community. The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep Olympics

Hey, what is the brown dog doing in this post.  He hasn’t been training at all! He’s totally  unprepared for the sport of sleeping!  Get him outta here!The Huxley Diaries: The Sleep OlympicsNext time you see me, I’ll be a world famous Doggie Sleeping Olympian. So keep your eyes peeled.

 

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The Huxley Diaries: Chicks and Tree Houses

Dear Diary,

Today marks another day when the humans came home with some other creature meant to distract them from me.  Ten creatures this time.  Ten! I’m about to give these humans a piece of my mind.

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Actually, I think I’ll just run away.  Those humans will learn, then.  When I’m gone, they’ll see that they just can’t bring new animals into my home.20140401-224924.jpg

Mmmmmm. The sweet taste of freedom.  I think I’m going to like living up here.  Just far enough for the humans to learn their lesson, and close enough to make sure I still get food.

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Wait.  Mom?  Why’d you go down?  I thought you were listening to my Runaway Monologue…

20140401-225027.jpgMom, I’m gonna follow you.  But only because I want to.  Not because you asked me to.

Okay, buddy, whatever you say.

Ma!  Mom!  Come on!  You know what, fine.  I’ll stay up here.  Take that.

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Hey, bro, can you help me get down.  The humans are being just awful and I can’t ask them for help in getting down.  Bro? Bro. Broooooooooo!  Oh, phew! There you are.  Help me down.

 

I know I was mean to you earlier.  But come on, we’re bros. 20140401-225108.jpg

 

The Huxley Diaries: The New Dog

Dear Diary,

The humans seems to have done to most offensive of all the things I can imagine.  They’ve brought another dog into our home! Another Dog! In our house!  I believe they intend for the small dog to stay.  I should say that this dog isn’t so small.  But small of mind…oh, I hate him. 20140309-205339.jpg

 

Can you believe the humans had me sleep with him?!  On the same couch of all places.  I was asleep first and that dog got. on. my. couch!  And the boy human slept right through it. I am increasingly convinced that the boy human doesn’t care for me at all. 20140309-205353.jpg

 

 

It seems that the humans are going to call the new pack member Fitz.  They said it was short for some type of author, Fitz…Fitz..Fitzgerald.  I dunno.  They started talking about wild parties and Green Lights and paris or something.  I never know what these humans are talking about.

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Although the girl human seems to like the young bear cub (she used to hold me like that :_( ), I absolutely refuse to snuggle with him.  Refuse.  I will not do it.20140309-205510.jpgOkay, maybe just this once…

20140309-205529.jpgBut I will definitely not give him any space on this blog.  Definitely not.  I can’t even.

 

 

The Huxley Diaries: Boundaries

DSC_0792Dear diary,
The humans have renewed their commitment to “teaching boundaries”. They seem to have forgotten the provision in our contract, wherein I state:

All dirty socks and underwear will be the sole property of the puppy, who will have the authority to know them intimately.

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The girl human seems to be coming around. She used to make lots of the strange human noises when she uncovered the underwear in the yard, but now she just sneaks them away as if I don’t see them. Be careful, girl human, I know where you sleep.

 

The Huxley Diaries: can’t smell the ground

Huxley Diaries1

Dear Diary,

About two days ago a strange thing happened.  The ground changed colors; in fact, it became all one color.    I couldn’t walk on it for slipping all around, making it awfully difficult to…you know.  But the weirdest part of the whole situation was that I couldn’t smell the ground!  Couldn’t Smell It!!  I fear that the ground may never return and I wonder about what that means for me and my life.  Where will I dig?  What will I roll on?  How will I ensure my butt smells just right for Tonks, the love of my life?

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The humans seem to think the new ground is great- like they enjoy slip sliding around on a monochrome meadow.  I may never understand my humans.  But I do love them so, and the scentless ground seems to be related to their many days at home so I suppose I won’t complain too much.  And the girl human has been very generous with the cheese these past few days.

Until next time, Diary,

Hux Delux